Around April nearly every year we get to celebrate St. Totteringham’s Day for Arsenal having secured enough points to finish above Tottenham season after season in the Premier League. Even last season when Spurs fans considered themselves title contenders as late as April, they finished below Arsenal after an embarrassing loss at 10-man and relegated Newcastle.
Despite raiding some of the best clubs in the world for talent over the last few years, Arsenal couldn’t look any further from winning the Barclays Premier League. There’s only so much of narrowly finishing above Tottenham, no matter how sweet, will subdue the Gunners faithful fans. Here’s a list of things we’re more likely to see than Arsenal winning the Premier League again:
The Simpsons getting cancelled
The Simpsons is the longest running animated television programme in US history. It has been running since 17th December 1989 has spanned 30 seasons and 614 episodes in total. While popularity in the series has waned over the last few years we still think the draw of Homer, Bart and the gang will keep it going longer than it takes Arsenal to win the Premier League.
England winning the World Cup
After England’s pathetic showing at every single tournament since 1966 you would be surprised on them ever being given odds on winning a major tournament again but they continue to be considered. England crashed out of Euro 2016 losing 2-1 to Iceland who were ranked well outside of the top 30 teams in the world and were the weakest team in the tournament. We still think it’s more likely that this team full of brittle egos and average talent could win a world cup before Arsenal win the title again.
Piers Morgan being quiet
As a former editor of a national newspaper Piers Morgan was well known for his opinion and still is. He broadcasts it all day every day on social media and on television in the US. He can talk people to sleep without even trying but it’s still more likely that he shuts up than Arsenal breaking their Premier League Title hoodoo.
No more Resident Evil sequels
The first Resident Evil film was brought to our screens in 2002 and it was pretty good, it had zombies, guns and girls which made for a great mix and was well received by most. The second instalment came about in 2004 and while not quite as good as the first was still decent to watch and should have been where they stopped. Another 4 movies have followed since then and the standard has dropped substantially with each. The current film being absolutely unwatchable. It was named “The Final Chapter” but something tells me there will be more.
The next Bond being a Woman
James Bond has become well known the world over for his womanising ways and manly outlook, always with a girl in one hand and a lady in the other. He’s a killing machine and we love it. With that said, it’s probably more likely that the next actor to play Bond will be a female than Arsenal winning the league again.
Leicester winning the league – again
Leicester City achieved what most said was impossible, the pundits, the bookies and even their manager. They defied odds of 5000-1 to overcome the Premier League elite and win the title in 2016. With them languishing in the bottom half of the table this year it’s unlikely that feat will be repeated, but more likely than Arsenal.
Finding the Loch Ness monster
Nessie is supposedly an aquatic being that lives in Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands. The only evidence ever uncovered proving its actual existence is pretty speculative at best; blurry photographs and unconvincing videos that are probably of bits of wood or actual fish. It’s a bit of a myth but so are Arsenal’s title winning credentials.
Public Transport being on time
Japan’s Bullet Train arrives to stations within a few splits of a second of the time its due and even when it’s running late this is merely by 2-3 seconds which is incredible. In the UK we’re lucky if the train is even running, most of the time we’re stuck on a rail replacement bus. If you’re looking to catch a bus, be sure to take a tent and some supplies because you’ll be waiting a while.
Keith Lemon becoming Prime Minister
You might think Keith would be great at running the country and I would agree with you, it would be a fun country to be in for a couple of days. I wouldn’t be confident in his ability to look after the finer details but we’d have to deal with the pitfalls later down the line.
Donald Trump opening a golf course in Mexico
Current US supremo Donald Trump is well documented in his dislike for anything south of the border. It’s probably the most unlikely thing on this list that he’d attempt to open up 18 holes in Mexico but with Arsenal being the team that they are it’s probably 10 times more likely than them winning the Premier League!
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